King James translation device brings faithful to TV age

LOUISVILLE — Members of ultra-conservative “King James only” churches who have avoided the one-eyed monster for decades now have an electronic ally which allows them to watch television in their preferred dialect.

The KJV Box, invented by Sacred Translations, Inc., in Buffalo, N.Y., turns everyday English into “thees,” “thous” and “wherefors” for people who refuse to read the Bible or be entertained in modern language.

“Our group has missed not only the era of Friends and Frasier, but of Dallas and Dynasty,” says Elisha Turner, pastor of One Word Only Church of Louisville, Ky., who last watched television in 1979. “The KJV Box gives us access to the mainstream culture while filtering out the scuzz.”

The Box has revolutionized daily life for these once-insulated viewers. Housewives who hadn’t watched talk shows since Donahue now gather most afternoons to watch Dr. Phil, whose straight talk they adore, and whose “Lady, get off your butt and do some exercise,” translates to, “Rise from thy hindquarters, daughter, and exert thyself!” They titter as the translated dialogue comes through the Box’s speakers.

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