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Ever had one of those weeks in which you totally believe and you totally don’t?  Today’s Nouwen Society daily reflection (see below) sort of captured that for me. 

Right now I have so many good things happening and so many difficult things happening that it’s a bit like being on that merry-go-round of my youth – you know the one in the park down the road… the one that others would push while you held on for dear life and you couldn’t tell if you were having the best time of your life or the worst… or is that just me?  I’m looking forward to the that moment between whirls when the rotation just sort of slows down and I can slide off and maybe go sit on the swing for a minute.

On the Journey Towards Living With

written by SUSAN M. S. BROWN

In his ecstatic poem "I thank You God for most this amazing
day," e. e. cummings wonders how any "human merely being" could "doubt
unimaginable You." And I know that feeling, from rare moments when I seem to
rise above, sink below, or expand beyond my small, everyday sense of self, my
busily thinking mind, my ego working so hard to preserve the separateness of me.
But most of the time, my consciousness is filled with doubts of every

It is so easy, and often not unjustifiable, to doubt the truth
of what we are told, the motives of people who affect our lives, the security of
our future, the value and meaning of our past. And it can be hard to see the
presence of God as the forest that contains all those trees. In this routine
state of mind, it’s just as easy for me to wonder how any "human merely being"
could not doubt the unimaginable.

I wish I could trust and believe
unquestioningly. But doubt is an undeniable aspect of who I am. I cannot banish
it. But I can work diligently to keep it from sliding into the negative
entrenchment of cynicism. Perhaps the key is to make sure I also doubt my doubt:
remember my own experiences of assurance, really listen when others share
theirs, and leave room for the inbreaking of transcendent certainty, which can
come in the most surprising ways.

From the Daily Reflection of the Henri Nouwen Society

hat tip to Susan Rose

April 2006
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