First, a confession:  I’ve let a few people down in the past several months.  Not the least of which is the folks of the RevGalBlogPals for whose book (see sidebar) I added my name to the amazing list of writers who were going to write reflections.  I failed to write my reflections.  Singing Owl, I believe stepped up to write the ones I was planning procrastinating to write.  I have many excuses and many reasons too, but basically, I just didn’t get it done.  And I’m sorry.  However, I’ve already ordered the book and I am hoping that some of those who read my blog will too. 

Second, an update: I took a leave of absence from my MA Theology program at the GTU this semester.  I am at the ABT point of my program – All But Thesis – and well, that’s just the way it’s going to be for a while.  I really wanted to get it written, I wanted to finish up, I wanted to publish my thoughts in both thesis format and perhaps, God and some unsuspecting publisher willing, a book.  Yet the words would not flow.  The writing would not happen.  And I needed to do some assessing and put first things first. So….

I’ve moved to live with and care for my mother as she moves through the more and more complex world that is cancer and its treatment.  In the early months of this year she began "falling down."  And so rather than place her in an assisted living situation which she can’t afford and wouldn’t like anyway, some meetings were orchestrated among my sisters, my prioress, my school advisor, my family and my spiritual counselors (including that holy, healing, Holy Spirit.) 

And now, I live in San Jose, in an older people’s mobile home park, and it feels right to be here (though there are some serious moments of grand humor to be had here!)  I’ve also taken a ministry position at a Catholic high school in the vicinity as the part time coordinator of campus ministry.  I’m really looking forward to that (particularly as it takes off next fall) and the "break" it will give me from the rather close confines of Chez Mom. 

I cannot but feel blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude that I have this opportunity to be here for Mom; to put my brother and sisters’ minds at ease about her care; to be challenged to grow in so many personal ways; to learn and be with Mom as she moves through these last however many, what? weeks, months, years? of her life.  My community has been nothing but supportive and I am still an active member and eager to continue to be so.  My friends have been great and my brother has been generous with his truck and his strength (and some great cds too). 

And yes, there are sacrifices that I am trying to make willingly and with "sunny self forgetfulness," as one of our late sisters is oft quoted as inviting.  Community living, which has been such a blessing and challenge for me for the past 10 years; the friends I have in San Francisco; a wonderful local group of sisters whom I love and miss; San Francisco!; a lovely room that was spacious and light…(Did I mention San Francisco?)

Anyway, making the decision to move, looking for a job, packing up and moving, agonizing internally and with others over the changes in my mother’s health and independence; the various commitments of time and leadership I’ve been sharing ongoingly in the community and with the Catholic Young Adult world, the embarrassment of not finishing my thesis; the challenges associated with a new "independent living" budget process; and more.  The writing just hasn’t been coming. 

Maybe now it will, maybe it won’t.  Maybe I’ll get around to blogging about all the great podcasts I’ve found in the interim and some wonderful blogs as well.  Maybe I’ll get my act together.  Ah, maybe not.  I’m learning more and more to be patient with myself; to forgive myself; to be open to others; and to just be. 

"Yeeshk," as my mother would say, I do go on.

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