Remembering Grandma

by Rosa Wilcox

 When I found out my grandma had cancer, I was sure I could
not make it. I felt that losing her would be like losing the air I need to
breathe. We were very lucky and got many more years with her after she was
diagnosed. I spent those years learning how to incorporate all she did for me
into myself and I had the opportunity to give back a little of what she had
done for me by being able to take care of her when she was sick.

 My grandma was always my rock. I put her through a lot but she
never gave up on me. She insistently guided me and no matter how much I gave up
hope, cried, and expressed my anxiety she would always answer with the philosophy
of “you do what you got to do.” Her philosophy was simple but in it’s simplicity
I think it gave me and her kids the core rule of life.

 My grandma died on Valentines Day and I’m so glad this day
will always be marked with her specialness. She was all about love. She taught
all of us to have empathy and fight for the under dog. She valued family above
all. She taught me that love is most important and that love is what will guide
me to make the right decisions and also what will hold me when I feel doubtful
and alone.

 Since my grandma was diagnosed with cancer I have been
looking for my spiritually. I have always believed logically that there must be
some kind of higher power and even if there’s not it is most practical to believe
there is one. But until my grandma passed on I never really knew that there is
a world beyond the one we live in. My grandma left this world three days ago
but I can still feel her loving me like when she was here. I did not lose her
love when I lost her and either did the world. I have always been one to not
believe anything until I saw it. The last gift my grandma gave me was the gift
of knowing there is so much more to this life than what we see. Everything has
been given greater debt and in turn this world is so much easier to live in. I
didn’t think I could make it without her but like always she found someway of
given me the tools to go on with my life and when I feel like I can’t get out
of bed in the morning or I can’t face the next obstacle life has given me I
picture her caring yet stubborn and saying to me, well Rose Marie you just got
to do what you got to do.

 –

February 17, 2007

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